There are many times when we need to speak up and make sure we have communicated with others concerning our concerns. Mature adults ought to be able to have adult conversations and work to resolve conflicts, which always involves speaking and listening in love. And, since we are raising children to become adults, we should also be training them in this necessary work.
This does not, however, mean that everything that could be said should be said. As those who are pursuing peace and who cover sins with love, there are many times when we should not say what we’re thinking. Sometimes this is simply a matter of kindness and courteously. At other times it’s the evidence of wisdom. The fact that something is true doesn’t mean it must be spoken. Moreover, even truth can be used in such a way as to harm others or exacerbate a bad situation. Tongue-biting is often a grace (James 3:2). We are called to edify with our words; even the words of disagreement (Eph. 4:29). The use of our words, which like other tools, can be used to build or tear down; to improve or harm. Wisdom insists that we make sure our words are used to the glory of God (Col. 4:6).
How to ascertain whether our words are godly wisdom or our own foolish thoughts (or worse): Js 3:13-18 Who is wise and understanding among you? let him show by his good life his works in meekness of wisdom.
14 But if ye have bitter jealousy and faction in your heart, glory not and lie not against the truth.
15 This wisdom is not [a wisdom] that cometh down from above, but is earthly, sensual, devilish.
16 For where jealousy and faction are, there is confusion and every vile deed.
17 But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, easy to be entreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without variance, without hypocrisy.
18 And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace for them that make peace. (ASV 1901)
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